One of the most beautiful thing about any romantic relationship is the “companionship” that it brings to the table. The idea of having a person in your life who is your favorite confidant because of the connectivity you two share; somebody you can turn to and confide in.
But at times as the relationship progresses, the craze of communication and togetherness turns down to conflicts in communication. Reality sets in. Responsibilities surround you. And the conversations over dinner table turn into debates over dinner. The same person you enjoyed spending time with and talking to in the early years of relationship becomes the person who understands you the least at the moment. And it feels like being stuck in a cycle that starts with arguments, blames, criticism, and ends in disappointment.

What exactly perpetuates this conflictual communication? When two people move towards interdependence, they bring their unique sets of preferences, ideologies, priorities, values, habits, and experiences into it. Therefore, overtime clashing of opinion becomes inevitable. As these differences in opinions and choices start cluttering, fulfilling one person’s stance often comes with the cost of hurt for another person. When a couple gets stuck in this pattern of making choices, decision making and having discussions can seem like a battle ground.

While it might take too much of tolerance to sustain a healthy conversation when your relation is gripped by chains of argumentation, the idea is to use dialogues over debates.
Partnered communication that uses dialogues over dinner than debates can come in forms like: ‘Well, as you say that, I am sure it makes lot of sense to you and we can consider it,’ ‘let’s keep these words in mind and think over it when we are calm and discuss,’ or ‘investing in this conversation right now will not land us to any conclusion, how about we speak when our tempers are lowered.’

A conversation marked by dialogues intends to understand the another person, their point of view, opinion, and beliefs; it is accommodative in nature where both partner’s goals are considered, and there is no sense of defeat or rejection in communication. Dialogues are conversations where both partners talk and reflect till they arrive at a mutually beneficial goal. While dialogues can escalate and intensify when things get heated but they prevent the relation from going downhill in hindsight as partners actively communicate their thoughts than leaving them get bottled up only to be spilled later.
A debate, on the other hand, is defensive communication intended for a win, sometimes even at the cost of the relation. It is governed by disagreements that outweigh the feelings and sensitivities of the partner’s behavior and responses to an extent that it follows the usage of harsh words, digging the graves, or making demeaning and personal attacks.  Debates hamper a relation of its harmony and connectivity, creating a deadlock while dialogues promote proactive sharing and exchange of conversations even if it is a tough one.